The Five Schnauzeteers

We are five extraordinarily attractive schnauzers

Monday, October 29, 2007

Please rescue these dogs!!

Can you believe what these dogs' human have done to them in the name of something called "Halloween"? Please save these wretched souls, our fellow Canine-Americans!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Do we need to run away from home?

A couple of guys came to the door. Of course we all had to come see who it was - it is our job. These guys were very nicely dressed and seemed nice.

One of the men began talking about spreading the word, and finding the truth. We just sat there listening. It was about salvation something-or-other.

Our human said "Be careful not to let the dogs out. We are fattening them up to sacrifice to Satan."

Please tell us she was kidding!!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

OK, so we stole this from the internet


Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a! dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
  1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it! up.
  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
  3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
  4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
  5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
  8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
  9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
  10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
  11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
  12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Thursday, October 11, 2007

New Sofa

4 dewclaws up!

Monday, October 08, 2007

I Want My Money!!

I overheard that someone named Leona Helmsley left 12 million dollars to a dog named Trouble. How does anyone know WHICH dog named Trouble she was thinking of? Couldn't it be ME?

If I get the money, I'll buy my humans some really nice stuff. (And if I am worth that much money, I'll bet stores will let me in to shop. They probably won't even mind that new places scare me and make me pee indoors.)

- Trouble

Thursday, October 04, 2007

No schnauzers???

Here is an ad for doormats. Why are schnauzers not included????